Scary

I just realized the difference that 5 weeks can make. 

I still have 3 weeks to go.  = (

Big

Last week I posted a blog about being pregnant.  Here's what we look like at 35 weeks.  

I'm carrying this kid differently than I did the girls.  I know that because doing the dishes and cooking are difficult.  The amount of belly in front of me is larger.  So when I do dishes or cook, I have to stand sideways, otherwise my arms are too short!

This Pregnancy

I haven't spoke much about this pregnancy.  Part of that is because I have two kids I"m running after at this point.  Riley is progressing in leaps and bounds, after months at a standstill.  Homeschooling Hannah is a challenge but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Seeing her progress, I'm amazed at her strengths and weaknesses.   For example, she dislikes Language Arts.  Who would've thought?!?!  The girl who devours reading and is, and has been, articulate beyond her years, does not like reading, writing and spelling!  Science is her favorite.  This year has been all about plants and animals, so far.  

But back to the current pregnancy.  This pregnancy has been extremely difficult for me.  I started out surprised that I was pregnant, and it took some time for that shock to wear off.  On top of that, I spent the first 4 months with ridiculous nauseous.  Those of you who were around for my first two pregnancies know that I breezed through them.  They were easy.  This pregnancy found me wishing I would throw up, for a moment's relief from the sick feeling.  It never went away.  I was tired from the start.  I was tired with all my pregnancies, but this time, if I sat for 2 minutes, it became impossible for me to keep my eyes open.  I did my best to nap while Riley napped but Hannah had schoolwork to do, and most days it was a challenge to make it until David got home.  The girl that loves to cook became of cook of convenience.  I did eventually find relief from the nausea.  I have yet to find relief from the sleepiness.  WIthout fail, if I sit for very long, it becomes a struggle to keep my eyes open.  One time I tried dozing off while Riley and Hannah were awake.  Riley called 911.  That was the first, and last, time I tried that.  From the start of this pregnancy, I noticed a decline in my physical abilities.  I would safely label my myself as an active person.  I noticed difficulty running and doing normal physical activities.  With both pregnancies, I remained physically active.  And I ran with Riley, pretty easily, until I was 7 months.  I expected to slow down, and I did, but it also became difficult to push myself through these activities that I loved so much.  

A few of months ago, I began having Braxton Hicks contractions.  A little over a month ago, it went from Braxton Hicks to contractions.  I went grocery shopping by myself one night, and had to take a breather at the end of the aisle.  I came home and cried talking to David.  By this point, sweeping brought on contractions resulting in a sit down.  Everything has become hard for me.  For the last few weeks, I've been seeing spots.  It's happened sporadically throughout this pregnancy, but it's happening with more regularity now.  I  brought it up at my last doctor's appointment and he explained that at this point it's to be expected.  He went on to explaining that passing out is not a bad thing, hitting my head on the way down would be.  So he told me to rest lots (haven't I been doing this for the last 8  months?!?!?!).  

All that being said, this morning I laid in bed (way too early at 4 am) and smiled at the thought of seeing my baby boy next month.  I don't mind newborns, they're so cuddly and snugly.  I wonder what he'll look like.  Maybe he'll look like David.  I thought about being in the hospital with David and Joshua.  Just us.  It's such a beautiful time, with just us and our new baby.  Anyways, I wanted to put this all down.  One day, my kids will be able to look back over this blog and see their history.  It's an always evolving baby book for my children.  And Joshua will know that despite all yucky parts endured while growing him, that we can't wait to meet him!

In other news, these pictures were taken at the last ultrasound, on October 21.  This was at 31 weeks and 2 days.  At that point he was already head down and his organs developed were developed at the age of 32 weeks and 4 days.  So he's an over-achiever!  And at that time he was 4 pounds 12 ounces.  Based on his growth and the time remaining in my pregnancy, he will easily be 8 pounds or more.  Both the girls were 6 pounders.  Quite the difference in size!  This is good though, maybe he'll stand a chance against the girls, particularly one.  We'll see ya soon baby boy!

Riley's Story, Part ll

Despite my best will power efforts and my doctor's efforts, nothing changed.  So Friday morning we checked in to Labor and Delivery.  They took me back to prep me.  David had to stay in the waiting area.  Already, this was so different than my birth with Hannah.  David never left my side with Hannah.  My nurse was really nice.  A few minutes after I was back there she looked at me and said "You wanted a VBAC, didn't you?"  Tears again, as I nodded.  After about 10  minutes, I asked why David could be with me.  I was having a hard time, and I knew if David were with me I'd be happier.  She said he could be back there with me, just that they don't normally bring dads back because of limited space.  For whatever reasons, she told me she'd get him for me.  Maybe she felt sorry for me.  While David was back there, we talked with our nurse about everything.  David and I were so concerned about Riley being taken away from us right after she was born.  With Hannah, I was able to breast-feed her before she was an hour old.  However, I knew the nurses at Cape Fear would take Riley to the nursery to do all her checks right after she was born.  We talked my birthing experience with Hannah.  Eventually she left to go do some stuff.  When she came back she said "Ok, as long as everything goes smoothly, you can breast-feed while in the recovery room and your husband can stay with you."  Yes, I had to go to recovery for an hour.  I was thrilled and relieved and happy.  So was David.  Later I learned, from the lactation consultant, that this was unheard of and a very big deal that my OB had agreed to allow this.  It was time to go back to the surgery room.  David could not go with me.  Again different than with Hannah.  When I received the epidural with Hannah, David held me in position as I leaned against his chest.  This time I would be leaning against my nurses' chest.  They brought David back right after the epidural.  Shortly thereafter, Riley Moon was born, at 1223.  

Everything did go smoothly.  Riley and David joined me for the hour I was in recovery.  Then David took Riley to the nursery for her checks and I went to get settled in a room.  Once David and I were in the room, he started to make some phone calls.  In the meantime, David bounced back and forth between my room and the nursery.  You see, Hannah never left us.  Everything was done in our hospital room.  We heard horror stories about babies being taken to the nursery at Cape Fear for hours and neither of us wanted that.  That was all there was to it.  I met with the lactation consultant on Saturday.  When I told her about being able to nurse Riley in the recovery room, she was thrilled.  She said it's something the lactation consultants are trying to get the hospital to start doing.  

Looking back, the two days before I went to the hospital were rough.  I dreaded it.  I refused to tell anyone because I didn't want to admit that I had failed again.  Yet I still had two days to process it, which made it easier after Riley was born than my previous C-Section.  It took days for me to get over it, after Hannah was born.  This time, I find that I think about "my failure" very little.  All that matters is that Riley is here.  I've talked to David and if we do this a third time, I'll go into it believing I will have a third C-Section.  Not that I won't hold out as long as possible for a VBAC, but I'm beginning to think that a  VBAC is not in the cards for me and THAT"S OK!  

Riley's Story, Part I

Now that I've told Hannah's story, I can tell the world about Riley's entrance into the world.  I keep to myself about it, but now that it's over and Riley is here, I think it might do me some good to talk about her story.  Like my pregnancy with Hannah, this one was pretty easy.  I had no complications, and as far as pregnancy symptoms go, I had it pretty easy.  Fast forward to July 13th.  I had my 40 week appointment that day.  For two weeks I had been dilated to 1 cm and 50% effaced.  I had lost my plug 10 days prior. But I wasn't having contractions, so I was nervous about going to my doctors appointment that day, I knew my doctor was going to talk to me about a C-Section.  My doctor's office would let me go to 41 weeks before I was required to have another C-Section.  I could not be induced, because of the prior C-Section.  I had to go in to labor on my own before anything could be done to progress my labor.  I show up for my appointment and my doctor checks me.  Nothing had changed.  He starts to talk to me about a C-Section.  He told me that typically a C-Section appointment is made 2-3 weeks out, because the hospital fills up.  The doctor I had seen the prior visit just hadn't done that.  So he called the hospital and learned that the hospital was full every day for the next 10 days, except for one day when another doctor would have to do it.  My doctor was going to be out of the office the following week, which is why he would not be able to do it.  And the on-call doctor was the doctor I had a previously had horrible exam with.  I wrote about it here: bad doctor visit.  My doctor goes back and forth between my room and his office a few times, then tells me the hospital has an opening on Friday, the 15th.  This meant that he would be able to do the delivery.  Otherwise, I would have to wait two more weeks.  My thoughts felt so scrambled and I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and cry.  Naturally, this was the doctor's appointment that David ended up missing!  I asked if I could have an hour or two to think about it and headed outside to meet David, who was on his way.  And I cried.  A lot.  David and I went to a little cafe and talked about it all.  I didn't want to throw in the towel.  I wanted to go as long as my doctor would allow.  I wanted to be forced into a C-Section, not volunteer for it.  But it wasn't that simple, it never is!  First of all, my friend Pam was flying in on the 27th.  If I waited two weeks, I'd still be in the hospital when she flew in and I didn't want that.  Amy and Tom would have to go back to Illinois before I left the hospital, which meant I would be without their help.  And the bottom line was that I could wait two weeks, and still end up having a C-Section.  I told David I felt like I had to choose between being selfish and making the responsible decision.  I really wanted to be selfish, but deep down I knew I would make the responsible decision.  David and I walked back over to  my doctor's office and sat down to talk to my doctor.  I explained that I had really hoped to have a VBAC, and cried some more.  He told me that he had stripped my membranes earlier, and that if I wanted, I could come back tomorrow and he would do it again, in hopes that something would start to happen on it's own.  I felt really good that he was offering to go extra to help, to do what he could.  So David and I went home.  We prepped for a C-Section Friday morning.  I prayed.  Not for a VBAC, but for myself and understanding.  I remember calling Casey, my sister, to tell her.  I told her I just wanted to go home, feel sorry for myself and cry.  And she said "then do that."

Hannah's Story, Part II

Sunday, April 30th, I was experiencing the same problem.  In the afternoon, David began talking to me about going back to the birthing center.  I resisted.  We had just been and they had said I wasn't in labor.  I didn't want to be "that parent."  You know, the one who shows up at the hospital many times, proclaiming to be in labor, only to find out they are not actually in labor.  It took him, my mother in law, and my very good friend Kelly, until 8 p.m. to convince me to go back to the birthing center.  We took nothing with us.  As we closed our drive in gates, my neighbor Tammy stepped out front and asked if everything was ok.  I brushed it off nonchalantly and said everything was fine.  At the birthing center, they tested the fluid and told me again that I was not in labor.  They brushed it off as normal, end of the pregnancy "leakage."  The nurse walked out of the room and David and I began to talk about how we just didn't think this was normal.  Then it happened right there, on the hospital paper I was laying on.  David pulled it up and took it to the nurse.  He held it up and said "this is not normal."  She agreed.  A more in depth exam was done.  It took mere seconds for them to determine it was amniotic fluid.  I started to cry.  David laughed at me, and asked why I was crying.   I remember telling him "I'm not ready."  My doctor, who is the best doctor, came in and explained that she was going to sit back and let me body do it's thing and take another look at my progress in the morning.

By the following night, I had not progressed.  This included 12 hours of pitocin.  So late Monday night, I agreed to an epidural.  I knew that it was going to be a long night and next day and that getting some rest was important.  The next day saw no changes.  Around noon, my temperature began to slowly rise.  Then Hannah's heart rate began to decelerate.  Around this time my doctor came in with the head OB, who examined me.  When they left I remember David looking at me and saying "I think they're handing off the football babe."  I just nodded my head and started to cry.   Hours later, a decision was made for me.  I had yet to progress to active labor, 4 centimeters dilated.  I remember crying, a lot.  I remember talking to my doctor about my ability to have a natural delivery the next time I got pregnant.  Hannah was born a little after 3 p.m. on Tuesday, at 37 weeks.  

Having a C-Section was a hard thing for me.  I felt like my body could not do what God had designed it to do.  Hard as I may have tried, I could not have had this baby without the intervention of doctors.  This made me so sad to think about.  I got over it though.  The more time I spent with Hannah, the less it mattered how she was born.  However, I vowed that I would have a VBAC the next time I got pregnant.  After having the C-Section, which is pretty uncomfortable, I knew I didn't want another one. 

Hannah's Story, Part I

There I was, thinking about Riley's story for the blog, when it occurred to me that nowhere was Hannah's story journalized.  So if for no other than reason than my own preservation, here is the story of how Hannah joined our family.  Some suspect that it may have started on a Tuesday, when David and I hiked a mountain.

52 Tunnels

From wikipedia: Strada delle 52 Gallerie, too Strada della 1st Prima Strada della Armata Armata and is today one of the best known and most visited Italian military roads of the First World War . It was built to the positions of the Alpini in the Pasubio in trench warfare in the southern Dolomites to supply.

Yes, I was trying to have her as quickly as possible.  My due date was May 12th, David was set to deploy May 21st.  The faster she was born, the more time he would get with her.  So we hiked a mountain.  I made it to tunnel 38 before snow, ice and the risk of falling became too high for me to comfortable.  I'm not so sure it began here, but because other people, to include David, think this was a contributing factor, I decided to add it to the story.  

I think it began sometime in during the night Friday/early Saturday morning.  The Friday following 52 Tunnels, David and I drove to Lido di Jesolo for the weekend.  While on the beach Saturday I began to leak, sorry there's no other way to put!  After it happened a few times, we decided to head back to Vicenza, just to be on the safe side.  I don't remember if we went straight to the birthing center or not.  I only know that we went sometime on Saturday.  The nurses checked everything out and sent me home, assuring me I was not in labor.  I was nervous, but tried to have faith in the 

nurses at the birthing center.  

Riley Anne Baby Shower

Our big day!  I wanted to include Hannah in this as much as possible, so that's why I call it "our" big day.  She had her party dress, that came with a matching doll dress.  I curled my hair, and hers.  And we both had makeup on!  I even wore a skirt and heels!  

My sister made her goal to plan the best baby shower ever, and I have to say she did it!  It felt so good to sit back and watch her, I felt so special and so loved.  Seeing Casey as so excited made me even more excited about it all.  

Cernock girls before leaving the house.

Here you can see Hannah and sock monkey, in their matching outfits.  

Just after arriving.

Casey's diaper cake!  

The best sister ever!

Me, with Michelle and Casey

Natalie, me and Kelly

Why do people at social gathering always hang out around the food?  

No matter how much room you have in other places of the house, everyone is always standing around the food!

A handmade quilt from Michelle.  Some of you may remember

that she made one for Hannah's baby shower too.

Hannah was so excited about it all.

Hannah, helping me open gifts.

Amy picked up a little something for Casey and Michelle, as a thank you.  

It was a gift certificate to Renaissance Day Spa.  They both REALLY

liked it!  

The best cake ever!

26.2 - Marathon distance

A girl running with a stroller

Here you can see Hannah's button.  It says "I'm the Big Sister"

The image on the side of the cake is a girl running while pushing a stroller.  The image

on top is a thought bubble with "26.2" inside.  That's marathon distance.  And that's what I'll do next year!

Inside the cake, between the two chocolate layers, are strawberries!  It was AWESOME

cake.  

These are just some photo's of us all hanging out.  

Jen and Maddie

I think this is such a good picture of Casey and Michelle.

Casey and Matt.  Not a very good picture of Matt, now that I look at it!

Amy, my other mother.  All this could not have happened without her.

Maddie!

Kelly and me.  We've been friends since 6th grade.  We meet in Battle of the Books.  We were instantly close and have remained so since, with the exception of a 

few short spats.  Now she lives in Chicago.  She flew in, as a surprise, for the shower.  It was her wedding that took me to Vegas last year: Vegas  

Leah, who also made the drive down from DC to celebrate with me.  

Almost everyone: Alaina, Leah, Kelly, Natalie, Amy

Michelle, Casey, Me and Brynn

The kids: Hannah, Vivian, Ethan, 

Maddie and Logan

Towards the end of the shower we got the news of the tornados that had hit north Fayetteville.  David called to tell us and to make sure no one was leaving traveling 

in that direction.  Then our baby shower turned into a tornado party as we all sat, waiting to see what would happen next.  

Michelle lost power, so she broke out a little emergency radio, which Casey stayed on top off.  

All in all, a great day for us.  We were south of all the damage Fayetteville took on.  And it took on quite a bit of damage.  We just saw heavy winds and rain.  

A Reason to Give Thanks

Because Hannah is going to be a big sister!  I'll spare you all the details, except to say that we've been trying for a long time, and have had some uphill battles but now I'm pregnant.  My due date is July 1.  

In celebration of this good news, here's a few pictures of me pregnant and newborn Hannah.

Her nursery, it was so pretty. I hated to leave it.

The day we found out we were having a girl.  

 My Baby Shower

The beginning of a very long wait.

 Family Photo

 He still loves doing this with her.

And she still likes to be snuggled.